Fatherless child

"Fatherless Child"

 

Now I know many of you have heard my story but you haven't really heard Brandy's story. Now some might say "Brandy's story? She's only 8 she hasn't really experienced life. When actually Brendan's death took a major toll on Brandy's life. They never met but she would always see her peers with their dads and it would break her heart. She would always ask "Mommy how come my daddy isn't here?" or "Mommy..what happened to my daddy?" and each time would break my heart. Some say why tell her so young about what happened to her dad? I avoided the questions plenty of times but felt like she should know. As a mother you want what's best for your child and provide everything you can for them. When the one thing they want you can't give...... yea that's a tough one. Later on Brandy suffered from separation anxiety when she was 5 years old right after her grandmother passed. She would not let me go when I would drop her off at school or even step out for a little, because she thought I was going to die next since her dad and naunie passed. I'm saying all this to say...mom's if your child's father is alive cherish that.  I would give all my worldly possessions for my daughter to have at least one day with her dad. I pray over her every day because for her to be 8 and not have her father destroys her, and I never know what goes thru her little mind.

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I'M A MOM BUT I NEED A MOMENT!

A mom of 8 years and let me tell you!!!! I need some moments!! Often you hear people say "oh but your a mom you don't get a break." Well sir/ma'am I'm going to take one! Now don't get me wrong I love being around my daughter but let's be real....there are times where I've had enough of PAW patrol, Team Umizoomi you name it! I need a real conversation with an adult, I need a girls night out! Heck! I need a down time where I can remember that I'm not just a mom but I'm Veronica!  

 

Now some one mom's might see this as "she's not a real mom, she doesn't enjoy spending time with her child etc, blah blah blah 🙄." I'm a mom matter of fact a busy mom to an AMAZING 8year old who is the light of my life! But mom's there is nothing wrong with having a break, a few days or even a day! We work hard to make sure our house hold is in order (not saying men don't either) but we need breaks, time to recoup from a crazy day, week even a month. Life is crazy and you can't handle everything, you need a break so that you can regain your strength to do it all over again! 

 

TAKE YOUR BREAK AND ENJOY YOUR REST! YOU DESERVE IT!  

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Not desperate.. so I will wait

We want to be loved after we've been hurt, we want to feel accepted, we want to feel as though we are the most beautiful woman in the world, the apple of your eye. All of this sounds so good to be true but we have to be very careful as to what we are asking for. I've been in love and been in lust, both seemed to similar to me because I was so clouded by the two. To be in love is "a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend" (dictionary.com). To lust "intense sexual desire or appetite" (dictionary.com) there is a difference between the two even though sometimes we get the two confused.

    We want to be in love so bad that we assume that lust is love causing us to become so desperate to be with someone because it "feels good" but the question is....is it really good for you? After 6 years with a child I realized that it wasn't. Yea the sex might've been everything but the relationship was garabge (just being honest) I didn't even think about the fact that my child was involved. Doesn't mean I'm a bad mother but it does mean I wanted to be loved so bad that I almost put my daughter in jeopardy with someone who had no problem raising their hand to me, yelling at me or disrespecting me.

   Desperate-"having an urgent need, desire." Don't be so desperate to be in love with someone who won't love you back. Especially for moms even though you want to be loved and have someone to hold at night etc. Always remember someone loves you, your child. Don't put a man's love over your own flesh and blood I've been there and done that. I took time away from my child to be "loved" by someone who didn't love me right.

I WAS desperate but I am sooo worth the wait! 🌻

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

4Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful"

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Love you......mean it......

Don't be so desperate to be in love that any person that gives you attention you will give them your heart! Learn to love yourself before you can love on anyone else. Don't get me wrong I want to be in love again and married but I want to do it the right way. I want to be able to love my husband and myself, instead of giving my all to someone and still feeling empty. I was with someone where I gave all the worldly possessions they desired and saw them happy but I felt empty and used. No matter how much money I spent to try and make him happy to continue to stay with me I did not feel respected or loved. Love should be given on both ends! Don't be so desperate that you rush love just to meet your "deadline", and end up being with someone just because you don't want to be alone. My goal was to be married by thirty, and I will be thirty next year and don't even have a boyfriend. At first I was so depressed and kept asking myself what is wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone want to be with me let alone make me their wife?! Then it doesn't help when people keep asking me "when are you going to get married? Your sister just got married so does that mean your next?" When my sister got married I was a little jealous and wishing I had someone who loved me like her husband did. But over the years I've learned to love myself and just wait on God's timing. I rather do it right then do it for a show and please other people because they are rushing me.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

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Was almost at my breaking point.......

 

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person's thoughts, behavior, feelings and sense of well-being.[1][2] People with a depressed mood can feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, ashamed or restless. They may lose interest in activities that were once pleasurable, experience loss of appetite or overeating, have problems concentrating, remembering details or making decisions, and may contemplate, attempt or commit suicide. Insomnia, excessive sleeping, fatigue, aches, pains, digestive problems or reduced energy may also be present (www.wikipedia.com

 

October 2014 two weeks before my 27th birthday, depression hit me very hard. Many might say "you depressed?! You always seemed happy and well put together, you've been so strong for 8 years." I covered up a lot so people would not see what was wrong with me. When people admit they have depression, they get frowned upon and even called “crazy”. I didn't want to mention to anyone how I felt or what was wrong because I was so worried about people judging me and making it seem as though I was weak. My daughter’s father passed away 8 years ago and I never really got a chance to grieve like I needed to. I was three months pregnant when he died so I had to immediately jump into mommy mode. I often asked God why?! Why me?! I don't deserve this! I noticed I was crying everyday never wanted to leave my room always getting frustrated with my child when all she was doing was being a kid. My child's father passing was only one trigger of my depression, I was in a relationship where I felt worthless, not appreciated! I often felt like what's the point of living, amongst other things that triggered my depression. I thought about ending my life because I could not deal with the pain and war that was going on in my mind. If you know of anyone dealing with depression do not ignore the signs! Let them vent and express to you how they feel. For those that are dealing with depression asking for help does not make you weak! Talk to a therapist! 

 

1 (800) 273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

24/7 English and Spanish language

DON'T EVER BE AFRAID TO USE IT!

 Hug a life to help a life!

 

 

A New Mommy :)

So you just brought a new human being into this world and you can't seem to stop staring at their precious little face all night long. WELL STOP!! I know it sounds harsh but for first time mom's these next few months are the months where you really need to regroup yourself. Yes all the excitement is coming because a new baby is here BUT... you also need time to sleep and get use to your middle of the night feeds. 

Some of you mom's are already use to this routine but for you new mom's it's something that needs to be done. Don't get me wrong every new mom has a different schedule but trust me you need a schedule. When the baby sleeps if all of your daily house activities are done then you sleep. Nothing wrong with taking a nice little nap while your little one is sleeping.

A feeding schedule is a must, you don't want to over feed your baby. Some mom's start off (when using the bottle) with small ounces first for example: 2oz, 4oz, 6oz and 8oz then eventually when you add cereal in the mix the ounces might decrease. Like I said this is different for every mom and child. 

Also mom's never be ashamed to take at least "A Mom Day" for yourself. Maybe ask your spouse a family member or someone you trust with your child to keep them for an hour or two and do something you enjoy. Get your nails done, hair done or even buy a nice little "pick me up outfit"

Trust me mom's a schedule is SO important. When I had my daughter I didn't really follow thru with a schedule half the time but now that I see how beneficial it can be I sure will be using it when I have my next two! 

Feeding my daughter when she was 5 months old  

Feeding my daughter when she was 5 months old  

COME GET READY WITH ME SUNDAY MORNINGS!

Its Saturday night and your drawing your hearts and minds in for Sunday morning worship, but in the back of your mind your probably wondering “What am we  (my child and I) going to wear for service!” Well have no fear this can be an easy process or a difficult one. For me here is my process…. I like to prepare everything the night before. One thing you can do is lay out your clothes as well as your child’s for Sunday morning service and make sure to pack an “after church bag” just in case you go over someone else’s house. 

 

Nothing worse then your child running around with their friends in their church clothes and ruining them. To make your mornings easier bathe your child the night before especially if your dealing with a little one because some hate waking up in the morning and make Sunday mornings a little more difficult for you. For me I am a praise and worship singer and I am required to be at my church at 8am for sound check, service is at 10am and we get out at 1:30pm.

 

 So I am at church from 8am- 1:30pm so thats about five and a half hours similar to my daughter being at school so I have to plan for a five and a half close to a six hour day. Make sure you pack a snack bag especially with children between the ages of 2-6 years old, and it can be a simple snack bag which can consist of two juices, water, a few fruit snacks and a few other of your kids favorites. For the new mothers with newborns make sure you pack all the essentials for your precious bundle of joy, diapers, a few bottles, change of clothes, water, can’t forget the pacifier, baby wipers, onesies, and any other things that you feel might make your child comfortable for a 5-6 hour day. 

 

After all that is squared away I usually make sure my child’s hair is done if she has braids I like to make sure her scalp is oiled so her hair won’t look dry. If her hair is pressed I will wrap it or if I want curls pin curl her hair, doing this the night before tends to make getting her ready in the morning much easier because I already know what I need to fix and the style I am going for . Now little boys are a completely different story, some may put a cap on their son’s head to smooth his hair down, and some may not it all depends on what you as the parent would like to do. 

 

My daughter has a bed time for 7:30-8pm (every child won’t go to bed that easy lol) so that she can be well rested for Sunday. I’ve noticed that if your child does not go to bed at a reasonable hour they are very cranky in the morning and through out the day and no one wants to deal with a cranky child lol. Sleep is very important to our little ones because it allows their bodies to develop

 

 

Its Sunday morning and your ready to get yourself together and feeling very relaxed because you laid everything out the night before. What I like to do is get myself together first and let my child get a few more hours of sleep before we start our day. So while she is sleeping I will take my shower and double check to make sure everything is laid out how I would like it to be, after that I wake up my child and have her get herself together. 

 

Once she is fully awake I get her set up with breakfast, oral care, and fixing her hair if anything seems to be out of place. Now parents my suggestion is let your child eat breakfast first before you put on their church clothes so they won’t mess them up. All of this should take about 30 minutes the most if everything is prepared the night before.

 

While my daughter and I are getting dressed I usually like to play some gospel music to draw my heart and mind in and prepare myself for service. Everyone doesn’t do this or doesn’t have to but it’s just a little something I like do to start my Sunday morning off. Now mom’s it’s time to take care of ourselves since our child/children are all squared away. For us it might take a little longer being that we have our hair, makeup, and making sure our outfits look decent or we are really feeling ourselves lol

 

 

Enjoy your Sunday’s with your family ladies! Sunday’s are resting days!

 

 

                                                              HAPPY SUNDAY!!

WELCOME MOMMY'S!

Hi my fellow moms/supporters!

I’ll start by thanking each and every one of you for taking time to take a look and listen into my blog and accompany me as I journey through the life of “motherhood”. I hope every lesson shared helps you just as much as it helped me. 

 

…and what better topic to start with than my induction into the “Mommy Mob”! 

 

Before February 13, 2009, I was Veronica the daughter, sister, granddaughter, cousin, godmother and friend. But on that day at 7:34am, I was honored to receive the title of “mom”. To tell you the truth, I was not 100% ready with the idea of becoming someone’s mother. I was only 21 with a mind to live a carefree life devoted to new electronics, weekend fun and more clothes than I could count. The idea of accepting responsibility for another life was frightening, but seemed like something that could be done with my best friend/boyfriend there with me through it. As I saw it, the three of us would live a great life filled with great fun and great love. 

 

July 29, 2008 shook every bit of plan that I had for life. As much as I wanted Brendan here with me, I had to come to terms with the reality that God wanted him more. In my first trimester, Brendan, my daughter’s father, was in a head on collision with a train, killing him instantly. Just like that, I became a single parent. One filled with hurt, anger and plenty of questions.

 

The receipt of the news, and all of it’s surrounding drama, was almost too much for me to bear. It felt like almost instantly I became overwhelmingly bitter and angry with the world. At that time, my resentment caused me to refuse to speak to any male simply because Brendan was not here; no matter the relationship. Thankfully, I had my family to help me through this trying time but I still had questions: What happened? Why him? What did I do to deserve this?! The tormenting questions circled in my mind through and through. After many thoughts and many prayers, I was able to pull myself together and face the fact that I would be raising a child who would never know her father. No matter how I felt about it, no matter how wrong I believed it to be; this was my new reality.

 

Once I decided to try to get my mind wrapped around this new plan for life (or at least decided to plan to try to wrap my mind around it), it took a second or two for my body to follow suit. Throughout the remainder of my pregnancy, I was not able to eat, nor was I taking the best care of myself as I should've for a woman in my “condition”. I was losing weight and the doctors were concerned for my safety and the safety of my child. My social nature just about vanished. I would stay in my room for days at a time in the same spot, moving only to use the bathroom or force myself to eat. All of my favorite activities did not appeal to me as they once did and I cried uncontrollably day and night wishing for nothing more than Brendan being there with me.

 

I was in my last trimester and was told by the doctors that my pregnancy would be “smooth sailing’” from here on out. A few hours into the night of February 12, my contractions were coming at a rapid speed. The excitement that I gained for her arrival quickly turned to fear when I learned that with each contraction my child was losing oxygen. The doctors told me that at the rate things were going, my baby girl would not be able to swallow, hear, or do any type of normal functions when she got here.

 

Along with the emotions that I already had moving through my mind about Brendan not being here, fear came. Now I added worry about having to raise a child with many complications to the plate! I was so angry with God and did not understand why He would put me through yet another trial in my life when I barely faced trial #1 with Brendan. At the doctor’s instruction, I had an emergency c-section. My baby girl was born perfectly heathy at 6 pounds 12 oz; crying, screaming, sucking and cooing like any other normal child. 

 

I had some type of relief knowing that she was going to be just fine, but as I looked over to my left, I noticed my mother there and began to cry because I wanted Brendan to see his daughter. After she was born my life then became in danger and all of my sats were declining from my oxygen, heart rate to my blood pressure. Not knowing what was going on, all I could hear was my mother calling my name in panic and fear because I was not responding to her. After my sats became stable again, I was able to hold my baby girl for the first time with tears in my eyes and love in my heart. 

 

A few days passed by and it was now time for me to bring home my daughter. I was so excited and nervous at the same time because I did not know if I was really up for the challenge of being someone’s mother. Months went by, the fan-fare died down and visits from friends/family became shorter, but I still had to raise this little girl on my own. No matter how many books I read to help me become a new mom nothing would prepare me for what was ahead.

 

and now I had to take care of someone who solely depended on me for any and everything! Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret having my daughter but at that time I had no idea what I was about to get myself into! When my daughter was born I just stared at her so confused as to why I was here at this moment by myself, no father to welcome her into this world and no one to build a family with. The day the doctors took her out of my womb was the day my life changed forever.